Shame

I’ve written before about why I don’t like to tell people my diagnoses. I left some stuff off that list, like not wanting to be that person who talks about herself too much, or the fact that such things rarely come up in conversation anyway. But lately I’ve been thinking there’s another factor that I have been ignoring for years.

Heh. I’m ashamed of the fact that deep down, I am ashamed to be mentally ill.

This isn’t something that extends to other people. I’ve never looked down on another person for struggling, or getting help, or receiving a particular diagnosis. It’s usually the opposite; I admire how hard other people work to overcome the obstacles in their heads. I admire their success.

When I think about my own struggles, I feel spoiled. I feel lazy and defective. I feel like I should have been over this shit years ago. And when people talk about mental illness as a social problem – “What should we do with the mentally ill?” – I feel the need to apologize. I’m a drain on the economy. I create problems for other people to deal with.

Other people, better writers, have been talking about de-stigmatizing mental illness. They want programs that promote the image of mentally ill people as human beings, who take care of themselves, who take care of others, who contribute. I would love to get involved – that’s sort of one of the reasons I started this blog in the first place, in fact.

But I can’t do much until I admit to this shame and find a way to get rid of it. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. What should we do?

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This entry was posted in Addiction Recovery, AvPD, Being Crazy, Ruminations, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Shame

  1. steven1111 says:

    I understand what you’re feeling but I’ve chosen to come out about my stories. You might like to look at my blog: http://nakednerves.wordpress.com/ And read some of my stories about it. Especially “Coming Out of the Closet”. Maybe it’ll help you with those ideas. No judgement tho. It’s up to you to do it or not. Also check out “30 Things….”. You can fill out the same form and it gives you some insight about being who you are and what it’s like. I hope some of my posts are useful to you. I feel like a drain on the whole world sometimes but I fight it as best I can. We All deserve to live a good life even if we’re mentally ill. All the best to you.
    Steve

    Like

  2. ninjafreedom says:

    I have AvPD as well and its wrecked my whole life, i still cant get over it 😦

    Like

  3. DinoJax says:

    its so hard to come to terms with. i realize i cant really be helpful to anyone as long as i cant really take my own advice to heart. i can tell someone else how amazing and wonderful they are and fall flat when appreciating anything i do. i never do enough. never work hard enough. i don’t know at what point its good to appreciate and when its not.

    Like

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