Could someone please explain which is which?

Sometimes having a mental illness is like the party game where you ask, “If your house were on fire and you could save three things…”

You cannot go on with your old habits. You will die. You cannot trust your instincts. They contradict each other. You cannot be true to yourself. You have thirty selves.

What would you save?

I could be a model employee and go to bed early and never let myself get distracted. The cost would just be my real interests and my sense of self.

I could drink and smoke all I want, feel in control by losing control, relish the victory of self-defeat. The cost would just be my dignity and my life.

I could drop my avoidant instincts, which are the only protection I’ve ever had. I could let someone touch me. I would die, I do believe that I would die, but it’s the way that most people choose to die, so there may be some benefit I can’t see.

There’s no way through without loss. Your home is on fire. What would you save?

This entry was posted in Addiction Recovery, Anxiety, AvPD, Being Crazy, Depression and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Self-Expression/Self-Destruction

  1. Jax says:

    The solutions aren’t appetizing. Being able to test your disabilities and put yourself into an uncomfortable situation could help as much as hurt if you’re able to recover and deal with it. As said by my therapist anyhow. I find that trying to balance, first, what you feel you need to do for yourself and what you need to do to survive is the first struggle. Self expression can heal you just as much as medication, but anything done too much can be harmful. It’s all about balance when your mind is a mixed up cocktail.

    As for the fire… My cat, my purse, and my camera.


    • toujoursgai says:

      Thanks. You always leave good advice. 🙂

      I have two cats, so the only object I would save would be my laptop.


      • Jax says:

        Ha. I’m glad you think so. It’s always easier to give advice then to receive unfortunately. I struggle very hard while still knowing what I could do better. But it’s hard regardless.

        I hope to keep helping. ❤


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