Could someone please explain which is which?
Sometimes having a mental illness is like the party game where you ask, “If your house were on fire and you could save three things…”
You cannot go on with your old habits. You will die. You cannot trust your instincts. They contradict each other. You cannot be true to yourself. You have thirty selves.
What would you save?
I could be a model employee and go to bed early and never let myself get distracted. The cost would just be my real interests and my sense of self.
I could drink and smoke all I want, feel in control by losing control, relish the victory of self-defeat. The cost would just be my dignity and my life.
I could drop my avoidant instincts, which are the only protection I’ve ever had. I could let someone touch me. I would die, I do believe that I would die, but it’s the way that most people choose to die, so there may be some benefit I can’t see.
There’s no way through without loss. Your home is on fire. What would you save?