Category Archives: Being Crazy

Spillover

Posted on April 7, 2015 by toujoursgai

Here’s my goal right now: it’s less about actually being healthy or happy, and more about keeping my defects as contained as I can. It’s strange how long the fear of being shamed can endure, way past the point where … Continue reading →

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Housekeeping

Posted on April 5, 2015 by toujoursgai

My apartment is becoming pretty gross, and I’m not doing anything about it. I could wash dishes and take out the trash and clean the litter box, but not tonight. Cleaning has become A Thing, where “A Thing” is defined … Continue reading →

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A Tiny, Drifting Family

Posted on March 23, 2015 by toujoursgai

When I am on retreats, each afternoon I walk and wring my hands, saying to all the mental health patients of the world, “You don’t have to wring your hands today. I am doing it for you.” – Marsha Linehan, … Continue reading →

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Nights and Days

Posted on March 14, 2015 by toujoursgai

It’s bizarre how different my mornings are from my evenings. Mornings are a time of sleepy competence, when I may not want to be up but I can still make coffee and get dressed on time. Sitting in my car … Continue reading →

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Damaged Enough

Posted on February 27, 2015 by toujoursgai

I had my first session of a new therapy group/”skills class” earlier this week. I caught myself doing this weird but familiar thing as I walked in the room; assessing my mood and the current state of my life, worrying … Continue reading →

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Wandering back into therapy

Posted on February 20, 2015 by toujoursgai

I had my last appointment with a therapist sometime last summer, I think. We didn’t officially wrap anything up; I just stopped going. I was busy with my new job and sick of shelling out for co-pays. I didn’t feel … Continue reading →

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What’s So Scary?

Posted on January 23, 2015 by toujoursgai

It’s a little late for New Year’s resolutions, but I have been trying to try a new thing: less time on mindless websites, more time reading real books, or writing, or basically existing in the world in some substantial way. … Continue reading →

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Truce with the Devil

Posted on January 20, 2015 by toujoursgai

So, alcohol. I haven’t written about it in months, and that’s because I want my story to be a tidy “I saw the light and got sober and now I’m all better” narrative, and it’s not. I know there are … Continue reading →

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I Suck at Being Queer

Posted on December 5, 2014 by toujoursgai

Well, sometimes it feels that way. God knows I’ve tried. I’ve hung out in gay clubs, joined a drag troupe (that I quickly dropped out of because my social anxiety was too much at the time), flirted with women online. … Continue reading →

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Psych Ward Narratives

Posted on November 19, 2014 by toujoursgai

Last night I watched a woman from a local theater group perform an essay I wrote about my experiences on a psych ward. It was a pretty intense and great experience, mostly because she did an amazing job. When it … Continue reading →

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